Why Couples Who Play Together Stay Together (And How to Be One of Them)

When my partner and I first started dating, we used to act as random people and make up fun stories about our fake lives. We used to fake fights, plan out our lives together, or make up a reason to travel the world. It was light, it was fun, and without realizing it, it was foundational.

Fast forward to 2 years later, and like many couples, we started falling into routines. Love was still there, but that initial flame felt dull.

We realized very quickly if we wanted this relationship to last, we needed to bring back fun, even making it intentional.

Why Playfulness is a Relationship Cornerstone

After searching online for the many scattered and overdone advice on dating, I started realizing a simple, blatantly obvious fact. Spontaneity is the cornerstone to relationships. Through this, I was able to dig into important relationship factors, all associated with, and promoted by the idea of spontaneity and “play.”

Trust

Playfulness creates shared experiences that reinforce connection. While playfulness is often associated with childhood-like tendencies, it is crucial in relationship building. Playfulness helps to create a better bond with your partner through a “shared experience” fostering a higher level of trust. 

It Defuses Conflict

Playfulness not only unlocks a connection with your partner, it helps to defuse relational conflicts. Playful cues with your partner help to signal a sense of security back to them, allowing for reassurance. It helps to provide a reminder that we are all on the same team.

It Boosts Emotional Well-Being

Tapping into child-like playfulness can help to release endorphins, boosting moods and lowering stress, all things needed after long work weeks.

It is important to note that not all playfulness helps to yield the same benefits as other types. Talking to your partner about your comfortability in specific actions taken to improve your relationship is a cornerstone to staying in a healthy companionship.

4 Types of Playfulness

Other-Directed Playfulness

This is the ability to use humor and light-heartedness to connect with others. In relationships, it often shows up as teasing, joking, or play-fighting that deepens emotional bonds.

Example: Playfully imitating your partner’s habits or using funny voices to make them laugh.

Lighthearted Playfulness

This is about approaching life with a carefree, spontaneous attitude. It means not taking things too seriously and being open to go-with-the-flow experiences.

Example: Saying “yes” to last-minute plans or turning a rainy day into a puddle-jumping adventure.

Intellectual Playfulness

This type involves enjoying mental stimulation, like clever banter, wordplay, or playful debates. It’s the joy of engaging each other’s minds in fun ways.

Example: Turning a disagreement into a mock “courtroom” debate or inventing games based on random trivia.

Whimsical Playfulness

This is about embracing the quirky and unexpected. It involves imaginative thinking and finding joy in the absurd or fantastical.

Example: Creating imaginary scenarios together (like “What if we ran away and opened a pasta food truck in Italy?”).

How You Can Start Today

• Recreate your funniest date.

• Swap your usual “what’s for dinner?” with a “date dice” roll (where each side is a different activity).

• Scroll through Sparkli and find a fun date that fits a category for you.

Final Thoughts

It’s easy to think playfulness is something you grow out of. But really, it’s something you grow back into. When you make space for fun, you’re really making space for intimacy, resilience, and joy.

If you’re in a relationship that feels a little too serious lately, try getting silly. It might just be the smartest thing you do for your love life.